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ULTIMATE. GROUNDED. CRUSHING. LEGENDARY. DIFFICULT.

i hope this doesn't disappoint any of you but i need a distraction from the merciless swell of suicidal guilt so please pardon my need for reprieve. 

 but one thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is how selfless people can, and often are, manipulated by selfish people. this isn't a new concept and it's something people deal with on a day to day, maybe even one of you - i've certainly had my fair share "totally let stuff slide because i want this person in my life" stories that pretty much always ended one way.

 what's that one way? the ubiquitous apology; i'm sorry for doing this thing that you've said time and again that i shouldn't do because it's damaging your ability to trust me and i really don't want that happen so this marks a new change. 

 but do they change? 

 hmm? do they? 

 look hard!

 now, don't get me wrong - i'm all about growth, change and contrition as any determined mammal out there with superior brain function but i also think that external words should be followed by an internal restructuring.

 it's one thing to say sorry, it's another to actually implement that apology into full effect. otherwise you're just saying words to be polite with no meaning. you're not changing; you're banking your allowance on that person's ability to forgive you because you "ticked a box", so to speak. 

 if you're a sap, like me, who falls for apologies and makes excuses for other people's lack of improvement, be a revolutionary and start setting boundaries. 

 just watch; they'll start calling you difficult which basically says "you're no longer allowing me to take advantage of you and it's frustrating me". well good, it's supposed to. 

 we can, and should, make allowances for the occasional screw up if they are followed by altered behaviour. don't expect perfection from anyone but honesty and accountability - you'll grow and people will grow with you.

 but don't tolerate being pushed around because your wonderful soul wants to express generosity. 

 what i'm saying is don't be stupid.

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