THE MIND PALACE

This is my final addition to this level of the Mind Palace; at least on this particular... topic. What started as a university project turned into an emotionally explosive manner of introspection - a monument to the gravity of my suffering. I've played the injured for far too long, immersing myself in the misery and struggling to digest the ''red pill'' realities of what's going on but, you know what, in that immersion I've come to many, many, many realizations. Being broken up with was hard, still is - especially when I think about the illusory half-truths I fell for. When I thought I was setting the relationship up for the next phase of its development, I was actually leaving myself unprepared for its last phase. FOUR MONTHS LATER . Let me address the person who inspired this perspective directly -  I've thought carefully and intently on every word you're reading. You've taught me more in the last two weeks than th...

you see the strange thing with tragedy, it helps you sort your priorities out very quickly. when death descends and the end comes, you turn your gaze to what's left. i have several sub-psychotic fits, many on this very blog, about the lingering impact of being rejected by someone once close to me but there's more to me than millennial angst. there are moments i have at work, speaking to people or even just tapping some digi-letters on my phone that a part of my mind ignites, like a neurological blaze. expression and creation - i was born for these. finding a captivating way of providing meaningful insight into what my reality looks like is my equivalent of discovering, pardon me, re-discovering a new element. a design writes itself out in my head and i make associations with everything i can possibly remember, relevant to the topic. i try not to think of the idea in my mind but my mind in the idea; understanding things from the jump completes half your work.   i sup...

i spend a lot of time, trying to figure out what i’d say to you if i knew that i’d never see you again. the way i’m feeling about you right now, though, it may very well come to that.  i feel about you the same way i once felt about my mother and about God – a burning rage that’s hardened into a cold, dark hatred.  i know it’s hatred because i want absolutely nothing to do with you and it’s clashing with how badly i want to be near you. i always say that no one should hate anyone because no one is that important. guess what – you are, or were i suppose. i showed you my best and owned up to my worst – honest, even to my detriment as much as you were loyal to your own. you taught me that reality really is a matter of perspective. i thought 2019 was a new beginning for us, for what could have come and what should have been. you had other plans to inadvertently bring devastation.  i still hear the echo of those immortal words: “i don’t see myself dating you”. my ri...

if you've been through enough, you know that a major component of existence is the concept of sacrifice - letting something go for the sake of another.  there may be something that you want but you can't have it unless you give something up. i think that sucks; we live in a space of literal infinity so why do we have to choose one over the other?  you need to vet the value of whatever you have to choose betwixt and the lighter one loses - pretty elegant system, if you think about it. imagine being the lighter one. imagine being the one who loses. someone weighed keeping you versus losing you for what they want to keep. guess what, cap - we lost. i was worth losing, it's only just now starting to sink. it was worth my overnight devastation for whatever the outcome.  my advice to you; don't overestimate what you mean to anyone. it wouldn't take long to become nothing to them, just like i did