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PRETTY OBLIVIOUS, SOMETIMES.

i intern across the street from a mall where i shared some of the best memories of my life with her; my 22nd birthday, buying my PS4, all those random dinner or movie dates... i could go on.

 sometimes, when it’s our hour to chill, i stroll through the mall looking for more to remember – it’s inevitably overpowered by what I did, or didn’t do i suppose.

 while i’m strolling, i plug in. now the way my earphones are set up - the thing is the audio isn’t clear; the music sounds like an ethereal remix of itself.

 which i do enjoy, somewhat, because i hear different levels of the song that i never did before – kind of like how i’d never known her as well as i thought.

 one of the most humbling honours of my internship is working with an intelligent young woman who provided further insight into what some of what all this could mean.

 she suggested that maybe it's that my earphones aren't broken, used up or damaged - just not what they used to be. it sounds strikingly similar to my failed relationship.

 the earphones were there from the earliest days, in fact, we shared them when her own earphones weren't on form. but now they're back with me and in that time, they've changed. 

 they used to be something we had, now they're just something i have and i have them on my own. they aren't even the same. whoa. that's a dense thought - i need a second.

 j. cole once said "love is war, end up on the floor. baby, i only lose when you don't swing back". whoa. okay, wait. whoa.

 but more than that, it reminds me of the time of life i’m in; things are unclear and faint whispers of the certainty that was. i was happier then with the little things. 

 which brings me to some morning – i woke up to switch the geyser on, went back to bed for another hour and had a dream where i rolled over to see her smiling at me with those braces.

my mind didn’t spare any detail; the little green elastic bands, the innocent blush of joy in her cheeks, even her eyes... it felt so real. 

 she told me stories about her pets and how she’s chosen to be a little bit more bold. she told me that she was thrilled to be back and that she missed me. 

 none of it made sense but i was happy to hear her try. i hung on every word and saw a map open in my mind to keep track of her silly side stories that tie in - falling deeper into the illusion.

 i chose to because i wanted to. i started to trust where it was going. 

 but then i woke up.

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