ABOUT YOU.

i spend a lot of time, trying to figure out what i’d say to you if i knew that i’d never see you again. the way i’m feeling about you right now, though, it may very well come to that. 

i feel about you the same way i once felt about my mother and about God – a burning rage that’s hardened into a cold, dark hatred. 

i know it’s hatred because i want absolutely nothing to do with you and it’s clashing with how badly i want to be near you.
i always say that no one should hate anyone because no one is that important. guess what – you are, or were i suppose.

i showed you my best and owned up to my worst – honest, even to my detriment as much as you were loyal to your own. you taught me that reality really is a matter of perspective.

i thought 2019 was a new beginning for us, for what could have come and what should have been. you had other plans to inadvertently bring devastation. 

i still hear the echo of those immortal words: “i don’t see myself dating you”. my right ear is still tingling – i’ll never forget that moment.

i struggled to qualify for the privilege of expressing myself to you the way you wanted and always fell short, at your word. i guess my mistakes revoked my rights in that regard.

i want to burn every trace of your existence from my life, literally – the birthday presents, the keepsakes and the memories.

i always daydream about the moment i’ll finally have the heart to purge any and all images of you, of us, from my cloud. they make me think about you listening to the muscle that’s keeping me alive.

you invalidated and rejected me – what’s come of the people who’ve done that to me before? you’re just the latest in a long line of hurtful tragedies that darken the painting of my life.